Revealed - Why Storm Troopers Can't Shoot
It has long been a mystery why Storm Troopers out of Star Wars are consistently unable to hit anything with their stun guns allowing the main characters in the classic sci-fi films to always kill them first, this is despite the fact that they usually outnumber the opposition by at least 10:1.
It has was put to the film company by a Star Wars Fanzine group, that this may be a deliberate ploy by the director and the fact that the troopers, none of which can shoot for toffee, fails to reflect the reality of a proper fire fight in space. Tarquin Geekamon said in this months edition of The Force is Real, "It just isn't right, the troopers simply cannot hit a pig's arse with a banjo! Have they not been trained to shoot for Darth's sake? Can they even see out of those twatting helmets? It really needs to be addressed for future films" he ranted.
Lucas Films or Disney who now own the rights, have not commented, but an inside source has said " We do appreciate that this may look odd that storm troopers continually run around the corner into the line of fire and then aimlessly fire up into the ceiling, however we actually need to keep our hero's alive" He went on " Just imagine how shit the first film would have been if Harrison Ford was killed in the initial fight sequence by a trooper that could actually hit a barn door at 10 foot, you would have bloody moaned about that wouldn't you!?
The latest Star Wars spin off The Mandalorian has been a big success, but this also showed Storm Troopers that for the most part have been utter crud at shooting anything, so nothing appears to be changing.
Reporter Kevin Bacon-Sandwich
Image Philipp Katzenburger - Unsplash