Are You a Covunt? Our Top 5 Explained

Most of us have seen them, or maybe know one, the people who feel that rules do not apply to them or they generally just don't get it. The rise of the 'Cov-unt' (Covunt or Covantigus Giganticus) doesn't appear to slow down during this pandemic, so here are our top 5 ways of becoming a complete specimen of a 'V-unter'.

5. The Mask Drooper

In fifth place are those who simply cannot wear a mask to actually render the darn thing of any use whatsoever. Hanging off their noses and chins, they may as well not bother. Do the fucking thing up properly you numpty! Take note you idiots; nice chap in pic doing it correctly!

4. Back Off A***holes

It is amazing that after all this time some people just do not get the concept of personal space or don't give a rats. You really don't need a tape measure to know what 2 metres is do you? Get out of my face you virus spreading tit!

3. The COVID-19 Objectors

Ok, so you may not be happy with all these rules and the removal of god given liberty, but why do you think you have the right to make a public protest in numbers and in such a way as to break the rule of law and most likely be spreading the risk of infection even more? What do actually think you will achieve? Please have some use to mankind and quickly go fourth back to your student flat and do what you should be doing anyway like studying maybe or make use of your Netflix subscription!

2. The Anti-Vaxers

A recent potential setback in the battle against C19 are those who for reasons that nobody of sound mind can fathom and that is the refusal to have a vaccine when the time comes, because maybe it could be government plot to cleanse the world of certain ethnic groups, a conspiracy of some kind or that they think perhaps it will just give them virus. Well, here's some news - it isn’t any of those things! If you get offered the jab, f****g well take it and do your bit.. please!

1. Super Spreaders

Top of the tree are the complete f**kwits who feel they can just do what they like, whenever and with whom, with no regard for anyone else and in doing so infect potentially hundreds of others! Prime examples of this group are Premier League footballers who think it OK to go out partying as normal and then despite clubs and the FA telling us they are doing all they can to be safe the grossly overpaid knobs cuddle and kiss each other after a goal is scored - Utter madness!

These 'private parts' who form the Super Spreader group, arguably need to be met with a swift and painful exit from our realm. Congratulations to these cretins, you are the numero uno Cov-unt's!

Reporter - Veronica Cotton

Image Kobby Mendez - Unsplash