Marmite is Worse Than Heroine Claims London Yeast Addict


You either love it or hate it, but for Tim Cockwaft of Wimbledon, the former is most certainly the case, so much so that he has been seeking help for his severe habit of eating Marmite with and on everything. Tim, 42, a bus driver said on his twitter account and read by all 7 of his followers, "I blame lockdown for this. I am in a terrible state now as all I can eat is bloody Marmite! I have to have it on everything including fruit. I just never recognised the signs until it was too late. Even when I was sneaking downstairs at 2am to have a cheeky jam and Marmite sandwich, it didn't occur to me that I was on the road to yeast extract addiction. The bastards have now put it in peanut butter for f***s sake - what is a man to do?"  

The savoury spread manufactured by Unilever has long been thought by health professionals to contain certain properties that can affect the human mind and send some people a bit nuts, plus it can raise your blood pressure so high your head will explode.  A spokesperson for the Institute of Food Science UK said "Marmite is dangerous stuff and we say be very careful. Before you know it you will be hooked and on a slippery slope to oblivion. Spooning it into your coffee should raise alarm bells, however when you start putting it up your nose then you really should seek help."  

We asked Unilever for comment, however they would only issue a statement saying "Marmite is a safe  nutritious spread when used in moderation, which contains a variety of vitamins and minerals. We do not believe that it is anywhere as addictive as crack cocaine or crystal meth and therefore we want the public to have no concern and keep eating it."  

If you have been affected by Marmite or even Vegemite if Australian or know anyone who needs help then you can find out more below. 

Reporter Sean Bovril
Image Brett Jordan - Unsplash