Visiting Midsomer? Try Not to Get Murdered.

The sleepy town of Causton in Midsomer must have a homicide rate per head of population higher than Cape Town with unsuspecting actors getting bumped off in their hundreds every year in Midsomer Murders. That poor old DCI Barnaby and his sidekick are run ragged trying to sort out the carnage and to make the place even less desirable, it is being invaded by fans of the show wanting to spot their favourite murder scene. However they may want to reconsider this to reduce their risk of ending up on the slab being examined by a police pathologist who doesn't have a clue what he is talking about. The series is mainly filmed around villages in Buckinghamshire so if you are planning to  visit the likes of Amersham or Beaconsfield here are our top tips for not being bludgeoned to death by a mysterious person in an overcoat, leather gloves and an ill fitting hat. 

1. Do not walk through church graveyards as these are often where people are killed. Barns and outhouses are also very dangerous places.
2. If you get offered a drink by anyone watch carefully for suspicious powder being dropped into it that miraculously vanishes before they hand it you the glass.
3. Avoid shagging the spouse of a local dignitary or official as your chances of getting out alive will be slim.
4. Wear some headgear with a form of rear view mirror so that you can have prior warning of the inevitable blunt instrument attack from behind.
5. Be very suspicious of nice friendly helpful locals who could surely never be a murderer, but always are and don't worry at all about the sly, shifty aggressive types who should be murderers but never turn out to be. 

Finally we do advise that you take an umbrella and wet gear as because it would appear to never ever rain in Midsomer, the day you go it will f*cking chucking it down!

Reporter - N.S Sherlock.

Image courtesy Bentley Productions